A Letter to Fear (and Its Charming Reply)

December 29th, 2024.

Dearest Timeo,

I hope this finds you well… Look, I’ve got a favor to ask… could you ease up just a tad? 

I’ve got an interview coming up soon, and it’d be amazing if I could walk in there without you following me. A break from your whispers about failing saying “OOoo don't slip up!” would be wonderfully kind of you.

Also, while we’re chatting, can I just say… giving people that whole fear of death thing? It’s a bit much, don't you think? I mean, it's inevitable. Why waste energy trembling over something we can't freaking stop? 

Hoping for a truce, at least for now,

Your friend

Dear Human

Thank you for writing! Though I must say knowing that you have hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia it's likely that you fail your interview, end up on the streets, then die an early death from an overdose. Plus you don't need a job! You're better off without it mooching off your parents… until they kick you out. I think you might as well just work at a fast food joint, with the job you're going for you’ll end up retiring at 97, Might as well own up to it.

About death… I make you fear it because of it being normal! Why make them scared of something crazy when I can just make it something they see or hear about often! Plus, you’ll die an early death anyway so why worry! 

I do suggest you find a partner soon, by the time you turn 36 no one will love you, and you’ll become an alcoholic! 

Love ~ Timeo